keep this short but the box will stretch with your length of writing.
put hit counter and whatever in here.
Waking up each day smiling. Knowing that we can’t understand you from time to time. Even when you lost your speech you always reach a new milestone everyday.
Today is the first day I have ever saw you point to an object. You kept point to objects you wanted.
I was so happy, and proud while you just sat there with your cheese grin.
You try so hard everyday. And you always improve. You are my super hero. You grow stronger, and stronger each day. You even catch yourself having a melt down, and you try to calm yourself down.
You are so amazing. You always surprise your father and I everyday.
You are truly one of the most kindhearted kid I have had the pleasure to raise.
We love you Luciano. Never change.
Yes, I am a mom.
I may not be perfect. I get irritated and annoyed. I need time alone for me to get my thoughts together. I need space to breath. I get frustrated, and cry. I try not to get mad, or upset. But I do. I cry, and get mad.
My life is dedicated to my children. I work to get thing the things they need, and the things I WANT them to have. I do what I do to make their life better then mine. I spend every second everyday on what I should do with my children and their father for today, and the next day. I think of the future. Do I want more children? How many more? When? Can I handle being a mother of more then two? Will I have another boy or will I get a girl?
What should my boys eat today? I think of a million things, that gives me panic attacks. I stress about the little things when I know I shouldn’t.
I stress about Luciano specialists coming to the house. I’m making myself feel sick to my stomach knowing Luciano will be going to a school to help him at the age of three. Knowing I can’t be there 24-7 to watch him. I don’t know what their doing with my child. Will he be ok? Will he be talking more before then so he can tell me he will be ok?
When I watch, and read of special needs teachers abusing their students gets me more worried. My anxiety hits the roof. I start to cry. Because i’m worried.
When people assume I let my children so whatever they want because he “Acts” out. Not because he having a melt down or anything. Or maybe even a sensory overload. No no, it’s just because he “spoiled”.
When I sit here, and cry, worry, bring myself so down so deep in the water that i’m drowning myself.
Then I turn around. See these two handsome little boys smiling in their sleep. Knowing that their ok, and happy right now. That right now matters. I need to learn to enjoy the now, instead of worrying for the future. But this is apart of me that I need to grow and learn as I go.
said kiss yesterday!! And he gave me kisses!
Proud mama. :-]
you have been a little handful today. That’s for* sure. I feel so bad. You were so happy, and now you’re grumpy.
As I took Luciano to the park today he ran so fast he fell on the basketball court outside. :( He peeled the first layer of skin on his head and nose. It’s not bad, but under his nose is worst. :( He missing a little “chunk”.
Breaks my heart, but he happy here and there when he not touching his poor little face.
OMG plus he* keeps wanting* to go for a nice long walk in the big boy stroller. And I have no problem but it’s already 8:01 P.M and it’s just way to cold to go for a walk my son. He keeps trying, and trying. Putting on his shoes, pushing me to the door, a grabbing his stroller. I promise we’ll go for a nice walk tomorrow baby.
Luciano did an AMAZING job today with his behavior. EVERYTHING went amazing. No problem, great eye contact. He even helped CLEAN UP!
No fussing, biting, nothing! I was so proud and happy with him this morning. :-D
His behavior came in at 9:00 A.M. Let’s just say that was not a good time. He was SUPER cranky, and didn’t want ANYTHING to do with her. But in the end he threw all the toys in the back just so he can get off the chair, and she could leave. He was so happy he even shut the door right when she walked out. LOL.
His “reg” teacher is basically the women that helped us get into the program, and see where we stand at this point in time every month. She came in today, and she was so happy to see him all smiles, and laughing. That was exactly an hour before our behavior came (10:00 A.M). lol.
She gave me a calendar that made me cry. I mean I CRIED. This calendar as all the programs in Nevada, and some of their “students” with their disabilities telling their stories. Well in the month of Dec was our program students. There was two of them. There was a little boy that was just a little over a year that died last night. And I couldn’t help but cry, because his story was on this calender, and it was one of her students. It breaks my heart. I will be scanning a couple pages tho (i will be blocking out the names), and so some of you can read these amazing stories about these children.
Was just plain out crazy.
Adrian woke up at 5:13 this morning SCREAMING. One ADRIAN NEVER WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT OR MORNING. This scared the sh*t out of me. I got up and ran so fast to his room. It seemed like he was scared. So I picked him up and brought him to my room. Now already I have George, Luciano, and myself. So now I added another little addition. In two mins he knocked out in my arms. Sadly it didn’t last for long. I had Adrian on my left side, and Luciano on my right. Luciano didn’t like the fact I was “cuddling” Adrian more. But in reality I was holding him closer so he wouldn’t fall or get hurt by brother, and father. So Luciano jumps on top of me ; laying on my throat to where I couldn’t breath. So I thought it would be safer to put Adrian back in his room.
Then at 8:19 this morning Luciano just woke up puking his brains out. I just sat behind him telling him it’s ok. To just keep throwing up. Even tho he was throwing up on our blanket. He did this for about a good 20 minutes on and off. Then when he finished I grabbed the blanket, checked everywhere else to see if it got anywhere; gave him a new blanket and put him back to sleep.
As I tired to go BACK to sleep for a third time I just couldn’t. :/ That was my crazy, and rare morning.